If you’re like me, you may have heard of the book How to Win Friends & Influence People”, but avoided reading it because of the title.  I’ve always been bothered by the title - it just sounds so…. high-and-mighty.  On the contrary, the book is all about interpersonal communication and psychology.  It explains the ideal way of working with people and how to win them over to your ideas.

The book presents principles to live by, and does an excellent job of providing examples of situations where the principles would be of value.  While How to Win Friends & Influence People sometimes gets bogged down in anecdotal evidence, it’s an excellent source for understanding how people think.

Logistically, the book is separated into four main sections:

Always strive to stay positive.  People will be much more willing and eager to associate with you if you have a positive outlook on the situation.  If at all possible, avoid criticizing, and do what you can to let people know you sincerely appreciate what they have done.
A particular quote in this section that really drew my attention:
“I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now.  Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

Part Two: How to Make People Like You

In general, people like to talk about themselves.  This is very true, as I’ve found that I can usually strike up a conversation with anyone and keep it going as long as I can figure out what they like to do, or what’s going on in their life at the time.  The hardest time to talk to someone (for me, at least) is when I come across a person who doesn’t like to divulge much information about themself.  The keys to talking with people are:

1) Try to use the person’s name - pronounced correctly, if possible.  If you don’t know how to pronounce it, ask!
2) Encourage the person to talk about themself. 
3) Develop a sincere interest in what the person has to say.

Another point Carnegie makes here is the value of a smile.  Someone once told me “Keep smiling - it’s the best thing you can do”.  That was just a couple weeks after the attacks on Sept 11th.  As difficult as it was to smile at that time, it not only helped lift my own spirits, but those of the people around me as well.

Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

How do you get someone to agree with you?  Start out the conversation by asking a couple questions that you know will elicit positive responses.  If you can get the other person to answer yes to at least two questions, you’ll be well on your way to convincing them of your ideas.  Try to see where the other person is coming from, and you will be able to construct a much stronger argument.  If you’re really looking to get support for an idea, lead the discussion so that the person you’re talking to thinks they came up with the idea!

Part Four: Be a Leader

Encourage good qualities and behavior, and play down any negative issues.  Are you learning to dance?  “Great job!  You’ve got excellent natural rhythm.  I’m sure you’ll be able to get those next few steps with no problem.”  Isn’t that more likely to keep someone going than “wow - I can’t believe you’re even trying to dance with those two left feet of yours”?

Bottom Line

Excellent book, well worth a read.  Some sections will be more relevant than others, but they each have good stories explaining the purpose of the principles being discussed.  This is the sort of book I’ll keep in my personal library and refer back to it on a regular basis.  The key points would help anyone to improve daily life, whether in the workplace or at home.